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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28913136">Only time and tears</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/musterings/pseuds/musterings'>musterings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Grief/Mourning, Letters, Loss, Part 1 is a letter, Part 2 is set just before Gladio leaves the party</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:47:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28913136</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/musterings/pseuds/musterings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>These are my two pieces for the Father’s Love zine, a zine dedicated to the relationships between characters and their parental figures. I’ve decided they read better together, so I’ve made them two parts to one fic. Hope you all enjoy, and check out all the other work when you’ve got the chance!</p><p>Part 1: A Shield passes on sagely advice to his successor in a letter.</p><p>Part 2: In struggling to find a way to support those closest to him, Gladio is forced to confront his grief.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clarus Amicitia &amp; Gladiolus Amicitia, Gladiolus Amicitia &amp; Iris Amicitia, Gladiolus Amicitia &amp; Talcott Hester, Iris Amicitia &amp; Talcott Hester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dearest Gladiolus,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Congratulations on being sworn in as Shield to the 114th heir to the Lucian throne. Words cannot express my pride and honour at seeing you stand where I once stood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And you barely looked as if you only had three hours sleep. I knew of course. I slept even less.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could hear you practice your lines, agonising over the Shield’s Oath over and over well into last night. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, the text is outdated and rambling, and I stumbled over the last bit that was delivered in Old Lucian, which may I add, you recited with perfect clarity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My nerves were for nought. Your resolve is wrought like the iron of our shields, your dedication unmistakable. Prince Noctis could not have asked for a better Shield.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There will be days — where it feels like our robes swallow us whole or our shields weigh heavy no matter how stringently we adhere to our training regimens. Days where it seems there is no meaning to what we do, where fear cuts deeper than our wounds. Days where you might even want to strangle the very man you were sworn to protect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(I jest—I know you have your own image of your Uncle Regis, but His Majesty is no angel.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And there will be days where you may wish you were an ordinary man who can come home to his family every day, without the uncertainty you may leave them behind at any moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Let yourself have them. Let yourself imagine what it would be like if the Prince turned into a toad (we can keep this between us). Let yourself fall and stumble, let yourself </span>
  <em>
    <span>fear</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You are an Amicitia, but first and foremost you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gladiolus </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amicitia. You have the courage to dispel all of your fears, the strength to pull yourself back up on your feet, and the dedication to work through your shortcomings, painstakingly, I may add, like you did the evening of your ceremony. Allow yourself to lean on your friends when the situation calls for it, for you can only protect them if you let them help </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ours is not a commitment everyone can readily understand, one that goes beyond the King. I was fortunate to have your mother. She loved and accepted me, all of me, and blessed me with beautiful children who remind me exactly what I swore to protect day after day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I only pray that you find someone who loves you as wholeheartedly, with whom you can simply be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(My sources say you may have someone in mind in the future.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(I will try not to torment you about this too much.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Although I hope I am not too old by the time I am invited to your wedding.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Congratulations Gladiolus. Iris and I love and support you. Your mother is surely proud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With all my love,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarus</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"I wanna take Iris and Talcott camping,” said Gladio. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the cheap leather couch, he watched Prompto, Noctis and Iris pose ostentatiously as Talcott fiddled with Prompto’s camera. It had been almost a week since they had left Lestallum. Almost a week and not once had Gladio seen Talcott cry, nor Iris's smile fall apart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ignis sat beside Gladio, having had enough of playing model for their budding photographer. He cast Gladio a quizzical glance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Iris is perfectly capable I'm sure you'd say, but Talcott—" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know, I know it's too dangerous to take Talcott with us out to the havens," Gladio quickly said, "I meant just outside. Bring all the equipment together, that kinda thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ignis held his notebook closed, and blinked, that calculative mind of his at work. “That’s kind of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gladio shrugged. “Iris is putting on a brave face, and Talc probably doesn’t want us worrying either. I wanna do something for them before we leave for Altissia. Let ‘em both be kids for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” Ignis began scribbling furiously again. </span>
  <span>“The daemons don’t venture this far out,</span>
  <span> but we best be on our guard, just in case.” Gladio blinked up at him, eyes lighting up. “If we let Noct catch our dinner, he would surely be open to the idea. And what Noct wants—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Prompto would too,” said Gladio, barely suppressing his grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll head back to Caem before nightfall after we’ve taken care of a few hunts in the morning. It should give us enough time to”—Ignis waved his hand—“set up camp, so to speak.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gladio smiled, bright and unrestrained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the best Iggy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Closer to nightfall, Gladio gathered up the trays of seasoned trout fillets in his arms, nodding up at Prompto and Noctis as they dragged down flashlights, lamps, quilts and a few pillows from their shared bedroom up stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you taking those?” asked Iris, seated beside Talcott at the dining table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a surprise,” whispered Prompto conspiratorially.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can come see,” Gladio said with a booming laugh, “but only if you promise to help with setting up camp for tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Iris’s eyes slowly widened. Talcott only glanced between the two Amicitias, puzzled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, let’s go see!” Iris was on her feet in an instant, nudging Talcott out of his seat. Together, they bounded out of the house, trailing behind Noctis and Prompto.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be careful you two,” called out Ignis from behind them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their “camp site” was a clearing overlooking the sea by the base of the lighthouse. Iris directed the awe-struck Talcott where he could feel needed—hammer down a peg there, or laying out Ignis’s ingredients for dinner here, until he was drawn to sit by Gladio’s side to help tend to the fire instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once, Gladio was the curious boy watching every movement of his father’s hands, emulating them with the match between his grubby fingers until the first few bits of kindling caught alight as the growing flames lit up his father’s triumphant face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One bit of kindling glowed red. Talcott grinned up at Gladio, his smile growing wider as the shadows dancing among his face heightened with their flames. With a heavy weight in his chest, Gladio gave him a small smile back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat around the cackling fire, sinking their teeth into the crispy fillets on their skewers, while Prompto recalled their morning’s hunts in thrilling detail. At the center of it all, Talcott sat laughing in Gladio’s camping chair, with Iris in her own seat beside him, matching Talcott’s glee with her own, and for the rest of the evening, the ground didn’t seem so hard where Gladio sat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With careful arranging and concessions, five sleeping bags were squeezed into the tent, and a haphazard bundle of quilts and pillows by the entrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Gladio made to zip the tent up, he took one more headcount of their group.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Talcott?” asked Gladio. His head snapped around their small tent, instantly on alert.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I saw him come in</span>
  <span>,” Iris piped up, unzipping Talcott's sleeping bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He said he wanted to go see Jared,” mumbled Noctis, “we didn’t wanna bother him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gladio’s heart slowed in relief, then sank within his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go see him,” said Ignis softly. “I’ll hold the fort here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll come too!” said Iris, wriggling out of her sleeping bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leaves crunched under their socked feet as they trudged away from their tent, their only light from their flashlights and the faint glow of the moon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How's he been doin'?” asked Gladio.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As well as anyone can really,” said Iris. “Talc’s tough. But—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s just a kid,” said Iris quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A small silhouette formed from the moonlight, sat in front of the formation of rocks that served as Jared’s memorial.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talc,” said Gladio.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The figure jumped up to its feet, frantically whipping around to meet Gladio and Iris’s concerned gazes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I ran off,” said Talcott, “I was gonna be quick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” said Gladio, the knot in his gut unwinding into a sigh of relief, “next time, make sure to tell us alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talcott nodded, and kept his head pointed downward. Iris shot Gladio a glare, and he ruffled the back of his head. He hadn’t meant for it to be a lecture. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put his hand on Talcott’s small shoulder, gently, he hoped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no rush,” said Gladio, crossing his legs on the ground. Slowly, Talcott sat beside him, with Iris following suit. “We can stay for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a few minutes they sat, the crash of waves in the distance filling the silence between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to tell grandpa about my day today,” Talcott finally said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talcott nodde</span>
  <span>d weakly.</span>
  <span> “When Lord Amicitia used to take us camping, grandpa always wanted to hear what we got up to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You still remember those trips?” asked Iris with a giggle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course!” Talcott piped up, “Lord Amicitia was always so kind to bring me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course he’d bring you dummy, you and your grandpa were family to us,” said Gladio.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talcott opened his mouth then snapped it shut again. Another swell of waves broke against the shore, once, twice, thrice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won’t be able to do any of that anym</span>
  <span>ore," said Talcott.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can still do it together,” Gladio said quickly, with a pleading glance at Iris. He jabbed a thumb back towards the tent. “Once our Prince gets married, we can go camping as many times as you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we can keep coming back here so you can tell Jared,” Iris added hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talcott paused in thought, his eyes still fixed on a stone on the memorial.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think he hears me when I do?” asked Talcott. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course he does!” said Iris, almost as if it were fact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talcott adjusted the crown of flowers on the memorial, and sat back, looking down at his </span>
  <span>feet. “Where is he, do you think?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gladio and Iris cast each other another unsure glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where does </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>go?” Talcott clarified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talcott was the brightest kid Gladio knew, Jared had made sure of it. Having lost his parents at a young age, Talcott would have heard the promises of their loved ones watching over them from a paradise where they awaited them with open arms—the same tales Gladio desperately clung to as a child at his own mother’s passing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Gladio was now a grown man, with his own experiences, his own beliefs. With everything falling apart around him, he needed something firmer to cling to than nebulous childhood tales.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lemme level with ya buddy," Gladio began, ignoring Iris’s skeptical raise of her eyebrows. "I don’t actually know." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talcott brought his knees up to his chest, and folded his arms over them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss him,” he mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Grandpa always said I’d see my mom and dad again— Will it be the same for grandpa? I'm—” Talcott pursed his lips, gaze forlorn. “I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be sad for so long, not when everyone else is working hard.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a heavy sigh, Gladio sat back with his hands braced on the grass behind him. Iris cast him another concerned glance, and Gladio could only turn away, lost for words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not alone Talc,” said Iris with a small quake in her voice, “I miss Dad a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you always seem so—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy?” said Iris with a meek giggle. “Of course! I still have this big lug over here, and I still have you.  But I still feel sad sometimes. Every time Gladdy leaves me behind I think about Dad, and how I— how Gladdy could—” Her lip quivered, and her brow creased. She wiped her eyes with the heel of her palm, and both Talcott and Gladio shot up to scramble towards her. “I’m sorry guys,” she said with a sniff, voice thickening with a choked sob, “It’s nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s okay,” Gladio mumbled, wrapping an arm around Iris’s shoulders as she frantically wiped away each falling tear. “It’s alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Gladdy. Dad would hate it if he saw me now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t say that,” Gladio muttered, rubbing her shoulder through the light flannel of her pyjamas. “You’ve been really strong Iris. You’re shouldering a lot for all of us. It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sight of Iris’s distress must have set something off. Talcott knelt between them, rapidly wiping tears away from his face too. Gladio brought his other arm around Talcott’s shoulder, holding them close as they stifled their sniffles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve lost people important to us,” said Gladio. “It’s alright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talcott would have been the same age as Gladio was when Gladio’s mother had passed, and was just as lost. But Gladio had his father there with him to explain, and console, and simply—by sitting there in the parlour one evening in the weeks following her death, his face in his hands as his solid shoulders shook in a sob—by letting Gladio know that it was okay to feel this way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loss had a way of making someone feel like they were the smallest and loneliest person alive at that very moment. When Gladio last felt that small, that lonely, Gladio had his father. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, with their kingdom in ruins, the success of their King on his shoulders, all Gladio could do was stow that stifling feeling away like one of his weapons in the Armiger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now, Iris and Talcott only had Gladio.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Gladio had them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I—” Gladio cleared his throat, then let out a shaky exhale. “I miss Dad too. I think about him damn near everyday. Every tent I’ve set up, every time I swing my sword, hell”—Iris gave him a swat on his arm, and he only chuckled— “whenever I see my own </span>
  <em>
    <span>tattoo</span>
  </em>
  <span> I remember him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talcott eyes flitted up at him hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I—” Gladio choked out, “I have all these things I wanted to do with him, all these things I wanted to say to him. It makes me feel so— so—” Gladio let out a sigh. “I’m sad that I didn’t do any of it sooner.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” muttered Talcott.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not something anyone who lived with the Amicitias could ever believe. Gladio was their stalwart protector, Iris’s unflappable cockroach killer, Talcott’s defender from bullies. Talcott would probably find the image funny—Gladio balled up and small like he was, his heart a heavy weight in his chest day-after-day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” said Gladio with a barked out laugh. He held Talcott against his side, shielding his vision from the hot droplets welling in his eyes. “It hurts. Every time. But—” Gladio took another deep breath. “But that’s okay.” Gladio held Iris and Talcott tight against him. He squeezed his eyes shut. “It’ll hurt when we remember them, at least for a while,” he said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But son</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he could hear his father say, "it's through remembering the people we love, that we can keep ‘em with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s so cheesy,” Iris choked out through a sob.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s true though, right Talc?” asked Gladio, squeezing Talcott’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Talcott hiccoughed, rubbing his sleeve over his nose, “I’ll try that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” said Gladio. He let their sniffles die down against his shoulders, and the tears welling up in his eyes to roll down his cheeks. "You're a good kid Talc. Always have been.” Gladio gestured to their tent behind them. "You told Jared about today already?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talcott quietly nodded. "I told him about Prince Noctis's stomach ache."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Iris lifted her head up from Gladio's shoulder, and let out a giggle. "We told him to go easy on the snacks!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well back then, Dad used to keep us in check with the snacks,” said Gladio, “not that it worked then either." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What did I tell you,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” said Iris, in a near perfect imitation of their father’s voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think I remember that," Talcott muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You were real small then," said Gladio. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I remember,” Talcott said, “‘cus that was when Grandpa taught me how to make a s’more." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never seen anyone make a perfect s’more like Jared did," said Iris.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He could give Iggy a run for his money,” said Gladio, the knot in his chest relaxing at their small but growing smiles, “don't tell Iggy I said that though." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two broke out into a quiet laugh and Gladio held them tight against him, intent on never letting that moment go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hours of of hushed reminiscing later—from the moment Talcott peeked from behind his grandfather’s legs, hiding from Lord Amicitia’s stern gaze, to Iris and Talcott’s nosing around when Lord Amicitia first scrutinised a date Gladio </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> brought home—the conversation died down, and Talcott nodded off against Gladio’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I worry about you guys too, y’know,” mumbled Gladio. He gently picked up Talcott from the ground, sitting him on one arm and leaning his sleeping face against his shoulder. Talcott was getting too big to carry these days. If Gladio could, he would cart Iris up too, but she would throw an even bigger fuss. “Every time I leave, I’m thinkin’ about you two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m scared I might lose you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he wanted to add, or worse, that any day he left them would be his last, depriving Iris and Talcott of another proper goodbye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who would shoulder their tears then? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Iris looked up at him with a curious glint in her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So as long as I know you and Talc’re keepin’ an eye on each other. I can rest easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Iris unzipped the tent flaps and crawled over to her sleeping bag. Gladio carefully laid Talcott down the sleeping bag beside her, closing it up snug around him once he looked comfortable. Noctis’s heavy breathing could be heard in the silence between Prompto’s loud snores. Sensing their return, Ignis turned in his sleeping bag, and finally went to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gladio zipped the tent flaps behind him, and settled into the pillow separating his head from the hard ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gladdy,” Iris whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re all here for you too,” said Iris’s voice from somewhere in the tent, “if you ever need us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The weight of words unspoken, goodbyes he never bid, they all crushed Gladio every day, and the fear he could lose anyone else tore him inside and out. The pain in his chest only grew with the knowledge that Iris and Talcott carried that weight too, one that should have never been for them to bear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Iris.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gladio would never put them through that again, and he wouldn’t put his friends through that either, at least not for him, and not so soon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had all lost someone important. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gladio tucked himself into his bundle of quilts. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I’ll make sure we don’t lose anymore</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If I could be vulnerable for just one moment: I developed this idea while on holiday in 2019, whilst reflecting on the way we process our emotions being influenced by what we see in the people around us. I wanted to explore that idea of Gladio, who is so used to repressing his emotions, being confronted by this grief and loss, but only because he wants to help Iris and Talcott. I think Gladio’s both stubborn and selfless like that!</p><p>I edited my final piece for the zine on the day I experienced an important loss. I couldn’t fly and see them for one last time to say goodbye. The last time I saw them was when I was on holiday, in 2019. </p><p>This is a common experience to come out of 2020 I’m sure, and I hope that whoever out there has had to go through the same experience gets the chance to work through it in whatever way they can too, be that time <i>or</i> tears.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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